What is a trust? Trust is the belief that one follows words with actions. It’s a fundamental principle that underlies human relationships. Trust is not binary; it’s a spectrum. As much as there’s a desire to idealise complete trust in someone, it should be remembered that a person can be more or less trustworthy in different parts of life. Friendship, romantic, family, and professional relationships are different.
The trustworthiness of someone in a certain aspect of life is a simple formula of how small the delta is between their words and actions, multiplied by instances of that experience. When people enter a new relationship, it’s rational to have low trust. The trust is also low on the emotional level. As the number of joint experiences grows, the delta is assessed, whether rationally or irrationally, by both parties. Depending on that delta, one tends to understand which aspects of life a person can be relied on and which aspects should be taken care of by someone else.
It’s important to understand which aspects of life you’re more or less trustworthy in. You can improve if you really try. But I do think that the environment we grew up in and the experiences that shaped us affect how trustworthy we are in various aspects of life. Also, we all have limited time, so sometimes it’s impossible to follow promises with actions. The simple solution is to notify the other party in advance that you’re unable to keep a promise or that you see the promise is about to be broken.
In that case, the phrase “Relationships are built on trust” is wrong, as it assumes that they start with complete trust. It’s also guilt-tripping, making the other person feel like full trust is owed, as if it shouldn’t be earned over time.
Trust and relationships are intertwined on a deeper level, so the correct phrase would be: “Relationships and trust are built together.”
It seems to me that we tend not to think deeply about how trustworthy someone is. It’s easier to be nicer, to close our eyes to certain things, and to believe in words. But the longer you believe in words and close your eyes to actions, the more painful a realisation will be. It’s better to assess trustworthiness over time and adapt your priors.
Written October 5, 2025
by
Arka Serezh
P.S.
Love comes from actions of people in a relationship. So, if an action is promised but does not materialise, love dissipates. Here’s my Unified Love Theory.