<aside> 👥 Friendship Strength = Quality Time * Values Alignment
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Where Quality Time is the time spent having 1:1 deep conversations and Values Alignment is how well the values of 2 people are aligned.
Quality Time and Values Alignment parts of the equation are self-reinforcing. The more time you spend with a person the more you’re able to understand how well your values are aligned. The more your values are aligned the more you’d want to continue spending time with that person.
The depth of friendship can only be increased by having 1:1 conversations. As soon as there are more people around, the dynamic shifts and it becomes impossible to really get to know someone. Parties are great for expanding the circle of potential friends but are terrible for building strong friendships.
Values are what people passionately divert their attention to. They could involve a job, family, or interests.
I’ve experienced that over the course of friendships, values get misaligned for a while. Particularly when the mental health of yourself or your friend suffers as a result of ongoing stress or changes in life.
During those times, the friendship can suffer and be put on hiatus. And it’s OK. People change as they learn and experience new things and during those changes, they often lose a sense of their values. The stronger the friendship, the more chances should be given for the friendship to rebound. It makes no sense to cut a strong friendship short.
Investing heavily in rebounding the strong friendship is an obvious step. It’s easier and quicker to rebound a strong friendship than to forge a new one.